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If she’s unable to consent, it’s rape. Warning – may be triggering

At the time I did not realize it was rape. I was 19. It was the night of a Halloween party. I drank two bottles of cheap wine and was chatting with one of my friends. I think I sat on his lap at one point. He asked me to come home with him to try his vaporizer. We walked to his place. We smoked a lot of weed. I remember asking him if I could sleep in his bed because I didn’t think I’d be able to get home. I trusted him. I was on my period. When we were lying in bed I think I kissed him. I don’t remember very much else other than going to the bathroom to take my tampon out. I did not want to have sex with him. When I woke up there was a condom wrapper on the floor and I was naked. He made me pancakes and coffee and I had to sit there and eat the food he made, knowing he’d had sex with me. I couldn’t remember it happening, I still can’t- I was too drunk or high to have said yes. This happened three and a half years ago. I know, logically, that I shouldn’t blame myself. Asking to have a sleepover with someone does not insinuate sex. Being that drunk meant I was not sober enough to even consent. But I still feel like if I had just gotten a taxi home then it never would have happened. It is devastating and the few people I have told don’t understand why it was so devastating… to them it sounds like a one night stand. Because I don’t remember it and because it wasn’t violent people have a hard time viewing it as rape. I wish they believed me.

1 Comment

  1. Reply

    J.

    When the govt in the U.S. started prosecuting drug cases they learned the very expensive and hugely aggressive and successful lawyers were as much of the reason for the very high % of acquittals as any laws requiring proof beyond reasonable doubt. When the govt passed laws that made these lawyers’ (huge) fees subject to claw back upon any conviction the major drug lords found far fewer takers for their cases. Why not apply the same concept to a specific set of particularly heinous crimes in Canada?

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